Book Review: Hard Earned Lessons from Counselling and Therapy

*Hard Earned Lessons from Counselling and Therapy edited Windy Dryden.

The fallibility of our fellow eminent practitioners can be a curiously reassuring reminder of our common human frailty. It is a comforting compensation for all of us that learning from our errors can improve our future work as counsellors/therapists.

In this book ten counsellors describe their 'hard earned lessons'. Despite a wide range of styles and experiences some common themes emerge. The negative outcomes of applying theories and approaches too rigidly are graphically described by Windy Dryden. David Mearns and Michael Jacobs, who warns against the dangers of "therapeutic ambition". John Rowan relates how he abandoned one of his basic assumptions and became 'a rescuer' - to good effect. Petruska Clarkson recalls her unrelenting twenty-year search for 'the curative factor' within a theory. Her quest for the "Holy Grail" resulted in a return to the obvious: namely what she had thought was the 'context' of counselling, the therapeutic relationship, was indeed its essence.

Other contributors emphasise how our personal lives indubitably affect counselling practice. Emmy Van Deurzen-Smith describes how pregnancy, childbirth and early motherhood limited her capacity for involvement for a period; Windy Dryden tells how the uniform practice of doing nothing but counselling all week caused deep malaise making him acknowledge his need to engage in varied activities; Pat Milner admits how being a workaholic resulted in debilitating illness.

The value of establishing boundaries was stressed by Moira Walker who sees them as 'a powerful psychological holding agent', while Pat Milner praises their 'preservative nature'.

On the question of Power, there seemed to be a consensus. We must be wary of allowing Power to become tyrannical while accepting that we use it. Robin Shohet advises us to take pleasure in the proper use of power rather than denying it. David Mearns stresses that we cannot abrogate it; as to do so would be inauthentic.

The impact of external forces, whether personal, sociological, cultural or political should not be underestimated. As Moira Walker, Pat Milner and John Rowan stress, they can counteract or supersede what we have built up within the therapeutic session.

Our need to listen to our clients and their experience is another theme. Windy Dryden recounts his chagrin at missing the vital information that two of his clients were alcoholics. When he questioned them over this omission, he was chastened by their response 'You never asked.' Robin Shohet and others echo Rogers in postulating that we also need to listen to and trust ourselves. Shohet brings in a spiritual dimension believing that all our misery is based "on a false notion of who we are."

The wisdom implicit in existential paradox is a recurrent motif. Emmy Van Deurzen-Smith finds a curious peace through the open revelation of her errors. "One thing I have learnt for sure is that I shall forever be lacking. I have faith in my failures as guidelines to my work, and similar faith in my clients' ability to learn from their mistakes".

Although the number and disparate styles of the contributors lead to a degree of fragmentation, they are unified by genuine and explicit revelation of their failings and a commitment to recycle learning. I certainly can apply their lessons to some of my own dilemmas and am sure other practitioners can benefit likewise.

Val Simanowitz.